There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
