why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
