the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
