She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize