Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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