So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
