i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
