perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
