I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
