My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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