he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
