my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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