Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
