I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
