A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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