so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize