So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
