dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize