she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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