when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
