I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
