I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
