yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
