if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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