he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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