I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
