she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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