i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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