Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
