Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
