I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize