After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
