On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
FUCK WHALES
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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