OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
