omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
