The maid of honor just puked.
barbara walters just said penis...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize