i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
God I need to hump something, right now.
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