just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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