Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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