we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
