I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
