Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
