Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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