Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
