as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
