I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
