I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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