Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
