Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
