the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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