i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
