Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
