I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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