im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
