i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
