You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
