he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
