normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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