Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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