oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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