i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
