I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
