apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
