I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
