I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
