you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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