you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
