You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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